BLOOP!!! LOD-style
by Rap's
Summary: Yes, I said BLOOP!! MWHAHA!! These are my own LOD Bloopers! Tons of em, from 1st to 4th disk. Probably not funny (And certainly not as good as the ones Kanis wrote...) these are very VERY off the wall. I'm beginning to think I need serious help. ^_^


Bloop! LOD-style

B L O O P !!! : LOD Style!  
"A creepy crappy collection of blooperness."  
Written by Rap's ([RaptorJNB@aol.com][1])  


  
  
Prepare to be mortified. I DONT know what I was on and I DONT want to be held responsible for the insanity below should it harm any of your braincells. Scary, this IS. ^_^ Still, I couldn't help it! LOD bloopers.... mwhahaha... let the idiocy and crude humor begin!  
  
  


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Scene: Disk 1 -- Dart returns to a ruined Seles!  
  
Dart: *runs down a bank of grass to his crippled hometown, sword high, face agonized- hair billowing wildly--!!!*  
  
Director: SH*T! DART! WATCH OUT FOR THE-!!!  
  
Dart: *hits a tree*  
  
All: .....  
  
Director: Cut. Goddamnit. That's the eighth damned time...  
------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk One -- Dart meets Lavitz  
  
Director: ACTION!!!  
  
Dart: *runs fowards* Who are you!?  
  
Lavitz: I am Lavitz Slambert! I am the head of the first knighthood of the kingdom of... of.. Wait.. Kingdom the head.. Wait.. damnit- can we go again!? That sentence keep screwing me up!!!  
  
Dart: *sighs* HOW DAMNED HARD CAN IT BE!!?? just SAY; I am the head of the first knighthood of the ... knighthood of the kingdom of... BASIL!  
  
Lavitz: Oh aren't YOU eloquent!  
  
Dart: yeah!?!? WELL SAY IT THREE TIMES FAST!!!  
  
Lavitz: .....  
------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 1 -- Dart becomes a dragoon  
  
Director: Que, pyro effects!!!  
  
Pyro crew: *dowse Dart in flames*  
  
Dart: *burns alive and dies*  
  
Director: ....   
------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 1 -- Shana twists her ankle  
  
Shana: Ahhh!! *falls down*  
  
Dart: Shana!? Are you alright!? *the group stops*  
  
Shana: yeah... im fine.. see? *falls back down*  
  
Dart: here, I'll carry you.... *lifts Shana onto his shoulders*  
  
Director: Que sappy music!  
  
*music plays*  
  
Dart: Do you remember when- SH*T! *stumbles and falls off the cliff nearby*  
  
All: *rush to the side of the cliff*  
  
Rose: oooo.. messy.  
------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 1 -- The battle with Greham and Fyrebrand  
  
Greham: Lavitz, I loved your father as a mate.  
  
Lavitz: The (@#*$&!?  
  
Greham: wha.. Wait... *reads the script* @(#*$&@(#*& SONY TRANSLATION!!!  
  
Rose: Does it actually say that!?!?  
  
Greham: Swear to god!!!  
  
Director: JUST GET ON WITH IT!!!  
  
battle ensues  
  
Dart: No- wait.. Hold up... that dragon just crapped on me!!  
  
Rose: Wha!?  
  
Dart: I SAW GREEN SHIT fly out of it's ass, okay!?!?  
  
------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 1 -- Battle Shirley  
  
Shirly: *morphs into Shana* Dart, why did you leave?!  
  
Dart: *attacks her*  
  
Shana: *dies*  
  
Director: (@#$&@(*#& IDIOT!!! YOUR SUPPOSED TO ANSWER QUESTIONS!!  
  
Dart: ..... oh.  
  
Shirley: DUH! Christ... *morphs into Albert*  
  
Albert: *takes her place* Lavitz! return to the castle at once!!!  
  
Director: CUT!!! your not doing *THE STANCE*  
  
Albert: aw come ON! it makes me look GAY and even MORE FEMME!!!  
  
Director: DO THE STANCE, ALBERT! *coughs* Bishounen-lovers WANT it! And... once again... ACTION!  
  
Albert: .....  
  
Director: I SAID (@#$*^@(*& ACTION!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Albert: *thrusts his hips to one side, lowers one shoulder suggestively, and points his partisan at Lavitz* Lavitz! Return to the castle at once!!!  
  
Haschel: *from off set* And get up to my bedroom!!!  
  
Albert: Shut the HELL UP Haschel!!!!!!  
  
Lavitz: *looks disturbed* That was so not funny...   
  
=============================  
Uh- Side note.  
~Honestly- have you guys SEEN that stance!!??? Did anyone pay attention!?!? Meow! I mean, purr! Big time! Wowza! *slaps herself* He only does it at that one time, and I swear it's just the CUTEST damned thing.... sexy little.... *fights for control* ooooooOOOOooooo..... Must.. Concentrate... on pointless... fic... *drools homer style*   
  
=============================  
  
  
Scene: Disk 1 -- The Death of Lavitz  
  
Dart: *reaches out a hand to Lavitz*  
  
Lavitz: *charges Lloyd full speed*  
  
Lloyd: Whoa.. dude.. thats a little FAS- *CRASH*  
  
ALL: .....  
  
Albert: OWW!!! damnit- who the hell just landed on me!?  
  
Lavitz: um...? heh?  
  
Director: For the TENTH AND FINAL TIME... do NOT flatten LLOYD into the far WALL!  
  
Lloyd: *toys with his retractable dragon buster* hehehe!!  
  
Rose: .... he's gonna have brain damage. Oh yeah.  
  
Director: TAKE TWO!! GO GO GO!!!  
  
Lavitz: I ... can... entrust..  
  
Everyone: *look horrified*  
  
Lavitz: *dies*  
  
Dart: LLLAAVVVIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTZZZZZ.!!!!!!!  
  
Lavitz: *laughing his ass off* BWHAHHAHA!!!  
  
Dart: .....  
  
All: .....  
  
Lavitz: im sorry!! im sorry!! its just so... BWHHHAHAHAHAH!!!  
  
Albert: oh not AGAIN.... I'm getting a chill!  
  
Lavitz: NO!! REALLY!! I can do it this time!!  
  
Director: *eye twitch* good. ACTION!   
  
Dart: LLLAAAVVIIIIITTTTTTZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!  
  
Lavitz: ROTFLMAO!!!!!!  
  
All: ......  
------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 1 -- Popo's Secret path  
  
Popo: Who do you want to win? Basil or Sandora? *status bar pops up and gives three answer choices.*  
  
Dart: ..... hey... wait... one of the three choices is 'neither!' *sobs* I HATE trick questions!  
  
Popo: Well?  
  
Albert: Basil.  
  
Popo: Thats not right. The important thing is to end the war quickly, not-  
  
Albert: Shut up. I'm going to win and then I shall take over the world. MOVE. *Tosses Popo off a cliff.*  
  
Director: CUT!! Albert- what the HELL is wrong with--!  
  
Albert: -INSOLENT PAUPER! BOW BEFORE ME!  
  
Director: *bows*  
  
Albert: DAMN RIGHT!  
-------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 1 -- Battle Doel  
  
Doel: I have been waiting for you...  
  
Albert: Uncle!  
  
*ten minutes pass*  
  
Dart: .... Aren't we supposed to be fighting by now?  
  
Doel: yeah, I know... my elevator throne is stuck again. I can't really get down....  
  
Albert: you just CANT be traditional can you!?!?  
  
Rose: *sighs* I'll go call the fire department....  
--------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 2 -- Meeting Princess Emily  
  
Director: now Remember Emily.. Be BITCHY... your actually Lenus! BECOME Lenus!  
  
Emily: Okay! *walks down the steps outside her castle*  
  
townsfolk: The princess is coming! *start running around*  
  
Emily: *arrives* hello everyone! ^_^ Isn't it a beautiful day?  
  
Director: CUT!!!! *slaps forehead* be MEAN Emily!! you are a BITCH- okay!?!?  
  
Emily: .... okay!  
  
Director: From the top!!  
  
Emily: *walks out again, picks up a store clerk, and throws him into a nearby fruitstand.* DIE!  
  
All: .....  
  
Emily: *giggles and waves at Albert*  
  
Albert: ^_^  
---------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 2 -- Talking to Martell in Fletz  
  
Martell: have you found any stardust!?  
  
Dart: Yeah... but lets talk business lady. I want 400 gil per stardust from now on.  
  
Martell: WHAT!?!  
  
Dart: you heard me. *Gives her three stardust* Now cash it up!  
  
Director: DART!!!  
  
Dart: Aw come ON!!! I need more money!! You pay us with IOU's!  
  
Director: IOU's printed on PREMIUM paper, I'll have you know!!!  
----------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 2 -- Arriving in Donau  
  
All: OOOOOOoooooo, AAAAaaahhhh!!!  
  
Dart: Look at all the beautiful flowers!  
  
Shana: *breaks out in hives* THE POLLEN!! NOOOOO!!!!  
  
All: .....  
----------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 2 -- Meeting Meru  
  
Meru: HEY!!! Who just grabbed my ass!?!?  
  
Gang member: uh....  
  
Meru: Do it again!!  
  
All: ......  
  
Director: Um... Meru... this is the part where you beat up the gang members and join Dart's team!  
  
Meru: .... psh! BORING!  
-----------------------   
  
  
Scene: Disk 2 -- Vally of the Corrupted Gravity  
  
Dart: I wonder why this place looks like this!?  
  
Meru: yeah, man.... wwooo.....  
  
Rose: *shrugs* it was once an area where a great magical battle was fought.  
  
Haschel: So... it has nothing to do with the pot they hand out at the door?  
  
Rose: Well, that too.  
------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 2 -- Rose remember Zeig w/ Dart in cave.  
  
Rose: *holds Dart's head in her lap* but... Dart is Dart. He is not Zeig...  
  
Dart: I can be if you want me to be, baby!! MEEERRROOWWLLL!!!  
  
Rose: .....  
  
Dart: ...... what?  
  
Rose: ALBERT!! LLOYD!!!  
  
Albert and Lloyd: *jump Dart and beat him to a bloody mass of pus*  
  
Director: CUT!!! Will you two STOP DOING THAT!?!?!??!  
  
Albert and Lloyd: ....  
  
Rose: ^_^  
--------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 2 -- Dart and Shana are interrupted in their reunion at Lidiera  
  
Shana: OH Dart! *runs into his arms*  
  
Dart: Shana.... *holds her protectively*  
  
Director: okay! Meru, Haschel, Albert... bust in NOW!  
  
Albert: *kicks down the door and machine guns them both*  
  
All: .....  
  
Meru: .... Was that supposed to happen?  
  
Director: ..... Sh*t.  
----------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 2 -- Lloyd and Lenus share a *moment*  
  
Lenus: Now I'm expecting to get a hot gift from you... *leans into him*  
  
Lloyd: Get the HELL off!! *pushes her off a cliff*  
  
Director: DAMNIT LLOYD!!! How many Lenus look-alike's do you think we HAVE on this set!?!!?  
  
Rose: I'll play her part! *jumps up to Lloyd*  
  
Director: uh-!!!  
  
Rose: (as Lenus) Now I'm expecting to get a 'hot gift' from you...  
  
Lloyd: yeah baby!!! *kisses Rose passionately and then picks her up and carries her to the dressing rooms offstage.*  
  
All: .....  
-----------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 2 -- Albert visits Emily in her Chambers  
  
Director: Okay! Start in with the cute story!!  
  
Albert: Do you know about the Legend of the Mermaid?  
  
Emily: Less talk. More make out time. *Jumps him*  
  
Albert: O.o!!!!!!  
  
Dart: .... Can they DO that on SET!?!?!?  
  
All: .....  
  
Director: ..... *gets a camcorder*  
------------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 3 -- Saving Kamuy the wolf  
  
Shana: White silver dragoon spirit... please.... save... Kamuy!!!  
  
Dragoon Spirit: *heals wolf with help of lighting effects*  
  
Kamuy: *begins to get up and wag his tail*  
  
Teo: Kamuy!!!  
  
Kamuy: *Mauls Teo and Shana*  
  
All: .....  
  
Director: .... Clean up crew to stage 12....  
--------------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 3 -- The Library In Deningrad  
  
Dart: Um... Albert... do you ALWAYS obsess over books like that?  
  
Albert: .... LIBRARY OBSESSION IS NOT A CONDITION!! Now get away from my books before I am forced to BURN you.  
  
All: .....  
  
Director: I knew we were going to have problems with this scene...  
--------------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 3 -- Miranda becomes a dragoon  
  
Shana: I... I just don't think I can go with you anymore... *rejects her dragoon spirit*  
  
Miranda: *watches the spirit near her* oh HELL no! *takes it and chucks it back at Shana.* Don't be such a wimp!!!  
  
Shana: *dies*  
  
All: ....  
--------------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 3 -- Battle Divine Dragoon  
  
Dart: *runs away screaming*  
  
All: .....  
--------------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 3 -- Lloyd saves Wink a second time  
  
Director: okay!! Charge up that blast of magic and hurl it at Wink!  
  
Wink: *gulps* okay... lets do this!  
  
Bardell: DEATH TO ALL HUMANS!!!! *fires an energy blast at her*  
  
Wink: *dies*  
  
ALL: .....  
  
Director: WHERE THE HELL IS LLOYD?!?!?  
  
Albert: .... Um- he and Rose went back to the dressing rooms again.  
--------------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 3 -- Battle Lloyd!  
  
Dart: Psh!!! you are SUCH an easy boss!!!  
  
Lloyd: *pulls Dart's head off and feeds it to a cat.*  
  
All: ....  
  
Lloyd: Anyone else care to comment?  
--------------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 3 -- Rose and Miranda fight  
  
Miranda: *slaps Rose*  
  
Rose; BITCH!!! *pulls out a fistful of Miranda's hair and begins to pummel her to the ground*  
  
Lloyd: WHOOOOO!! GO ROSIE!!!  
  
Albert: KILL!! KILL!!  
  
Director: .... and yet ANOTHER of my star characters is going to end up comatose... *cries*  
--------------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 4 -- Dart and Rose fight in the desert  
  
Director: Now, REMEMBER Rose, Dart defeats you.  
  
Dart: *pulls his sword*  
  
Rose: I'm 11,000 years old, and that ditz-blonde is going to beat... ME!?  
  
Dart: Come on rose!! you know I'm better then you anyways!  
  
Rose: .... *kills Dart with one blow*  
  
All: ....  
  
Rose: Stick that up your ass and smoke it.  
---------------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 4 -- Lavitz' final farewell. (ie: The infamous 'Male Bonding' moment.)  
  
Director: And... ACTION!!!  
  
Dart, Lavitz and Albert: *join hands*  
  
Director: Que dramatic music!!!  
  
Dart: ... *blinks* Does anyone else find this.. Really... a little... um.. Fruity?  
  
Albert: .... yeah, actually...  
  
Lavitz: Does the director think we're.... gay or something?  
  
Dart, Lavitz and Albert: *look at each other nervously*  
  
Director: What!? What the hell!!? Look into each other's eyes and FEEL THE FRIENDSHIP!!!  
  
Dart: .... THE (@#*&$!?  
  
Lavitz: ..... *runs away*  
  
Albert: ..... Can I be freaked out right now?  
----------------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 4 -- On the moon  
  
Claire: *runs by*  
  
Haschel: *shoots Claire with a shotgun*  
  
All: ....  
  
Haschel: What?  
----------------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 4 -- Meru battles the archangel  
  
Archangel: Meru!! I know you hate human kind!  
  
Meru: .... Um.... can I ask a question before we get into this?!  
  
Archangel: ..... um?  
  
Meru: Are you a girl, or a guy?  
  
Archangel: ......  
  
Director: CUT!!!!  
-----------------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 4 -- Melbu Frahma!!!  
  
Rose : oh he is so UGLY ass!!  
  
Shana: *laying on the ground, twitching*  
  
Director: yeah, yeah... whatever!!! okay everyone!! Start saying all your dramatic ending speeches before the big battle!  
  
Dart: We can do it, everyone!!  
  
Meru: whooo. go dart.  
  
Dart: *GLARES* Albert, Rose!!- do your speeches!! your always poetic and deep!!  
  
Rose: ... you expect me to spend my last moments before this climatic battle giving words of reassurance? hell with you! *walks over to Albert and starts kissing him*  
  
Albert: ... !!!!  
  
All: ....  
  
Director: I DID NOT AUTHORIZE A ROSE/ALBERT SCENE IN THIS GAME!!!  
  
Albert: *blinks* And we care... why?  
  
Rose: *coughs* To the dressing room!  
  
All: .....  
  
Lloyd: Hey!! *IM* the one that just died!!! Damnit Albert....  
------------------------------------  
  
  
Scene: Disk 4 - The Final battle  
  
Dragoons: We shall defeat you!!  
  
melbu: yeah right!! HHAHAHAHH!!!  
  
*two minutes later*  
  
Melbu: *lays twisted and mangled in a bloody heap*  
  
Meru: ... wow... they really don't make boss fights like they used to....  
  
Lavitz: *busts on to the scene* okay everybody!! END OF THE GAME!!!! lets all go make out and get drunk!!!  
  
Dragoons: WHOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
*theme plays*  
  
  
~~~~~ T H E E N D ~~~~~  
=============================================================  
  
MWHAHAHHAHH!!!! So how'd ya like it!? Bah... ^_^ i've always wanted to do something like this!! eheheh!!! Er- I apologize for the Rose/Albert part. But you cant blame me... can you!? im STILL a supporter of that couple!!! I just happen to PREFER Rose/Lloyd!! MWHAHAHHAHHH!!!!!  
  
Lloyd and Albert: *glare at each other*  
  
Rose: it's a good life. ^_^  
  
heheehh!!!! okay then!! Bye now!! I hope to get out new chapters to my other stories soon! *grabs Albert and starts thwacking him over the head* DO THE STANCE!!! DOOOO THHHEEE STAAANNNNCCEEEE!!!  
  
Albert: ... ugh- NO!!  
  
Rap's: NOW!! DAMNIT!!!  
  
Albert: Ra~ap's!!!  
  
  
  
  
  


   [1]: mailto:RaptorJNB@aol.com



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